Yes, I can.

Essay, word of my life.

I didn't like essay at all, academic essay most of all, and worse is my major which is Media and Communication requires me to write essayssss. Just to think of it for 3 years make me crazy enough.

I was thinking and many other times too, to move to Performing Arts, doing project and all that would be fun. It's also one of my reasons not blogging besides busyness and massive laziness. But then, things changed.

On 18th November 2011, I remember I was doing my study plan, and it was so stressful, every time I do it, my mind full of essay, essay and essay. I had problem to enrol some more. 

I was crying and asked, "Why?What should I do?Why it is so difficult?"

I was afraid of something I never know, something that hasn't happened. 

Suddenly, I don't know how, I got this 'motivation and support', if I can call it, to do Media and Communication. I don't know somehow, deep inside my heart, there's this voice that shout "Yes I can"

I don't know how, it all get me and I am sure that I can nail it.

and then I remember days after that, I am not sure, someone suddenly said something like, "Determination will not last." and I was thinking and afraid of how long this 'determination' will last.

Because, I know for my self, many many times I tried to discipline my self with my strength, many many times I determined to do it, but at the end, I didn't.

Determination is not enough 'cause it will end someday, Commitment?How long it will last?

Once, my friend told me this, 

"Commitment without love is routine only. Love without commitment is not love. It has to be balance because it walk hands-by-hands"
Just give a quick example : Say I commit to live with my partner for a life-time, but I don't love him and the time we spend together, How torturous and boring that is?! and If I love my partner, yet I don't want to commit, instead of spending time and be faithful to him, I am playing around with another guys or else, Is that love?!

So, I prayed to Him that let it be my conviction, let it be His will and the work of Holy Spirit that change heart, nor my determination and just a short-term feeling.

and yes, it's probably hard, but I want to love my major, I want to like essay, I want to enjoy writing, even it's an academic one. I am learning little by little, to commit and to love. :)

Many times in our life, we questioned things surround us, What is the purpose?Why?Why?Why?
I believe, "Everything has its own purpose". :)
I found my self asking this question many times regarding to my university, the subjects I learn and all that. But who knows? I might be a pretty good journalist someday. ;p
and things that I learn will may be a blessings for others too.
and especially for His Kingdom and Glory.

Back then, I will probably say, Believe in yourself and nothing is impossible!

but now I know, I can't even if I believe in myself because my strength and my heart will fail me.

"Believe in Him, Surrender and Have faith!"

We have our part and God has His part.

"We do our best and let God do the rest."

 I realise, the only hope that can walk me over this path is 
Him, His hands, His guidance, His grace and His love.

Our God is great and His plan in our life is great!

Jesus bless you all. :)

oOo, Cia...